About me

There is a difference between an independence which comes from strength and one which is a retreat from life;the retrenchment of a spirit not trusting in itself..And while I know we are all afraid of being hurt and take two steps back for every forward one we take;the truth is the moment when we are most ourselves is when we reach out and answer the call from someone else..It is very difficult to accept the fact that there are no guarantees in life;no guarantees that life will progress as it should or that the people you care about will love you back;or even that they will treat you right..But trust in life does not mean trusting that life will always be good or that it will be free of grief and pain..It means trusting that somewhere inside yourself you can find the strength to go forth and meet what comes and;even if you meet betrayal and disappointment along the way;go forth again the very next day. maybe we all are just stuck in the process of self love..about doing your own thing and being yourself;and those who talk of understanding;of intimacy;or love;talk largely to themselves..it is easy when you've been hurt by love to give up as a bad job and make independence your new god;taking the love you had to give and turning it in upon yourself...and most of us have had to protect ourselves so much at times that we've given up the high road and taken the low..but independence carried to the furthest extreme is just loneliness;nothing more than another defense;and there is no growth in it;only a safe harbor for a while..the answer does not lie in learning how to protect ourselves from life; it lies in learning how to become strong enough to let a bit more of it in...and that is the direction in which I am myself trying to head...I know that many people feel they have to draw away;and others so damaged from the wars can never fight again...I know the joys of owning yourself..I have sung that song myself..but dimly and from a hidden place;I hear a most insistent voice saying to anyone who wants to hear;there is no growth without love...

About you

The Greeks had a legend about a man named Sisyphus who was banished by Zues to a desert island;an island which had nothing on it to keep him occupied. And after a while Sisyphus started losing his mind. Then one day he took it into his head to push a big rock up the mountain on the island;and all day long he labored with the big rock;pushing it and pushing it in the hot sun;until at night;with the top of the hill almost in sight;he finally gave up and let the rock roll down the hill again. He did this again the next day;and the next; and for many months to come;and though he never reached the top of the mountain with his rock;when they finally found him he was sane;just as sane as he'd ever been. I've alwaysliked this story because it made me coscious of something which I'd only half guessed before-the fact that it's our commitment to life which saves us;and what we commit to is not what's important at all. I know it's not easy to rid yourself of notion that you need something important to commit to; or to learn to find pleasure in what is;rather than displeasure in what you wish there'd be;but the trick of life is to stop worrying about finding the perfect something to commit to and commit to something;anything at all. And if you can't commit to something big;then commit to something small.